Somewhat Twisted Takes on Soul Calibur 2 SB
by Lady Manson
Summary: The Somewhat Twisted has a new Chapter in history... New Host, same insanity... Rated for verbal content and some mature situations that may occur
1. Once Again, From the top

Here we go… I don't own Soul Calibur… I am not making money out of this… I am broke and I owe every Saint a Candle… With that Said… ON WITH THE SHOW!

**Once, Again, from the top….**

"You Love Soul Calibur… You can't get enough of it… Well, Platinum EdgeMaster of the Dragon, can you dig this…?- Said the sexy VH1-like announcer.- Was Cassandra hiding something other than the recent model of her underpants….? Is there more to the Picking of Siegfried and Nightmare as the same guy? Are all characters of Soul Calibur Responsible? All this and much more tonight in… Somewhat Twisted Takes On… Soul Calibur 2 Strikes back…. And now your host… Miss. Michaelle Lambert…" Said the announcer as a blonde with blue highlights made it into a set where crazy fans of Soul Calibur waited for the moment of the return of their favorite fic… SHOW, Show I mean.

"Good Night… I will be your host…" The girl said with a smile and then was interrupted by the announcer.

"You know, people doesn't like bashing… are you going to bash?"

"Ahem… live… Live T.V…." Said the girl sitting in a throne-like chair.

"You hosts always think everything is a crisis… who cares about Soul Calibur?… I mean, nobody cares about my Career as a singer and I am cool with it…" Said the bitter announcer.

"Mr. Deep Voice… I have a show to run here you know…" She said looking up.

"Nobody cares that I am not famous and just a voice… voices have feelings you know…" Said the bitter voice.

"They… have?" She asked looking at the audience that was in a super what the fuck moment.

"NO-OH BODY KNOWS… THE TROUBLE I SEE-HE… NO-OH BODY KNOWS… MY SORROW…" The voice sang.

"Ahem… Mr. Deep Voice…" Mickey… let's call her like that… called on the deep voice.

'Yes?" Said the voice with a sniffle.

"Can I do my job?" She asked as she squeezed her hand notes a bit hard.

"Don't mind me and my mid-voice crisis…" She just sighed, was there anything named Mid-voice Crisis anyways?

"Ok… Yes, where was I? I am Mickey Lambert and this is Somewhat Twisted Takes on Soul Calibur 2…. Strikes back…. Now our 'guests'… Mr. Deep Voice…." She said leaning back….

"Guests in order of roll… Cervantes….- And Cervantes rolled like the Terminator in T2 and almost slashed the girl's legs with his swords.- Charade…- Charade looked like one of those desert bushes and ended in a corner of the set.- Cassandra….- Cassandra fell on her face with a Mc Donald's uniform.- What the f-beep-?" Cervantes was dusting his pirate pants and looked at Cassandra just as the host did.

"Cassandra?" Asked the Pirate…

"C… Cervantes….?" The Warrior freaked out.

"Miss. Alexandria…?"

"A T.V. Hoe…?"

"Host… Proceed…" Said Mickey aiming the Voice.

"Um… Yunsung….- Yun just rolled on his ass, bounced a few times and ended in Cervy's legs…- Talim….- Talim was thrown and fell on top of Yunsung….- BULLSEYE" The Voice yelled….

"Is that a Character from Soul Calibur….?" Asked Mickey.

"Nope… but we caught one with the big eyed Philippine wind girl…. Where was I? Ah, yeah…. Taki.- Taki fell on her chest bounced back and hit the back of her neck…- Heishiro Mitsurugi…- Mistusugi fell wearing his bathrobe and wearing some fluffy pink bunny sleepers…. Bunny sleepers with cute Anime eyes.- Um, Yoshimitsu….- He fell into a table and one of his arms detached…- I hope that one can be fixed…." Said the Voice as Cervantes went, showed the camera a tag on Yoshi's hat that read 'Some Assembly may be required….' And placed the arm back.

"Thanks Cervantes…." Said Yoshi sitting down.

"Yarg…." Cervy said with a pirate smile.

"Ok…. Xianghua, Kilik and Maxi…." All the mentioned rolled inside a huge sack.

"What the? Where am I….?" Xianghua's voice was heard from within the sack.

"In a huge potato sack…" Said Maxi breaking the sack and getting out looking wide eyed at the stage and the insane crowd and the blonde blinking numbly.

"Voldo….- Continued the Announcer and Voldo rolled in with some lettuce stuck in his claws.- Astaroth….- And Astaroth fell in a corner with a lumberjack suit.- Raphael….- And Raphael rolled down holding a glass of wine on his hand and in some miraculous way unknown to mortals and this Holy Writer of Doom, he didn't break it or spill a drop…- WOW, Ivy…- Ivy fell boobs first on Maxi's face, the dandy had the best view in the house.-… And Nightmare…." And Nightmare fell in the set with a cheap K-mart towel around his Demonhood and some foam on his hair and a rubber ducky on hand.

"Who will be my next in command when I rule the universe with my demon looks? You will Herr Quacky… yes you will…." He said to then notice everyone around him and the girl in the throne.

"Awkward…." Said the Blonde…

"Indeed…" Said the rest of the Cast of Soul Calibur.

"Ahem… Welcome be all of you to Somewhat Twisted Takes On, Soul Calibur 2-Strikes Back…" Said the host.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO…." Screamed the cast of Soul Calibur… They were doomed if another session of bashing with no remorse was about to take place.

"I am not bald… I am not Bald…." Yelled Maxi as he rolled around hugging his legs, looking actually like a runaway beach ball

"I am not stupid…. NO, I am not…" Xianghua accompanied Maxi.

"We beg to differ Me Las…" Said Cervantes as he looked at the confused host.

"Um… Hello, I am your Host, Mickey Lambert…" She tried to continue.

"Don't you mean, Hostess?" Asked Xianghua after getting out of her panic attack.

"No… I am not a Twinkie…" Said the annoyed blonde.

"But… you are equally delicious, Mein Lieben…." Nightmare said putting Herr Quacky on his head and putting some foam over the head of the yellow rubber ducky.

"Ah hah, that is coming from a pseudo-demon with a rubber duck on his head….a rubber duck with a name…as I was saying, I want you all to sit back, relax and to answer a few questions…." She said crossing a leg.

"Why is she dissing Herr Quacky?- Asked Nightmare to Taki which was raising an altar to the holly heavens so the towel will roll down Nighty's hips.- Herr Quacky will rule Michigan and Tokyo and Australia when I am Führer…" Said the cutie of a Demon with a huge pouch and watery eyes.

"There there…We believe in the Almighty Herr Quacky…." Said Kilik leaning back on his chair.

"Really?" Nightmare asked with big hopeful eyes.

"Yeah…. And the Almighty Herr Crackpot that will rule the universe in a towel and with a rubber ducky as his right hand…" Whispered Mitsurugi to Taki while nightmare smiled proudly while sitting in the floor and his hair making sure the TV show didn't go to X rated.

"Well, if the sisters are done chatting…" Scuffed Mickey.

"Proceed Me Lass…" Said Cervy sitting beside Ivy. Maxi looked at him wide eyed

"What are you doing…? Don't you see I had to undertake therapy after all the pain the other hosts made me go trough… I don't have more money for psychologists…" He yelled…

"Therapy?" Asked Mickey, Maxi looked at her wide eyed….

"And you listen to me… I am telling you I am not BALD…. –he said pulling his hair left and right in painful strengths. - NOT BALD!" He pointed an accusing finger at her face.

"Why is he accusing me?"

-Flashback to other Somewhat Twisted….-

Scenes

Maxi's wig falls to the side…

Someone calls Maxi Koyak….

Maxi is being compared in a frame with a bowling ball… actually that never happened in any past versions of Somewhat Twisted but I thought it would be fun to see a dual browed bowling ball.

-End of Flashback-

"…Do you hear me? I am not bald…" Maxi panted like a lion. Although all lions this writer has seen are sleeping and not panting but it is better than saying he was panting like a furious lioness.

"I hear you my Dandy Pirate with two eyebrows for the price of one… you are not bald… but you are whacko in the head…" Mickey said leaning on her chair away from Maxi's maniac look.

"We are clear on the detail of his whacko-ness…" Said Ivy with a sexy smile.

"SHUT UP IVES! The Bipolar here is Sieggy/Nightmare not me…" Yelled Maxi sitting down with a frown. Nightmare just smiled

"Ivy dear… Bipolarity is not something to joke with…" Cervantes said scolding Ivy.

"Spare me the lecture Dead Dad…" Ivy replied looking at Taki placing a safety pin on Nightmare's cheap K-mart towel and tying it to a small string to pull it off and leave him naked.

Nightmare stood up….

Taki secured her string and smiled a sick piranha smile…

Nightmare Smiled and took Herr Quacky off his head…

Taki was joined by Cassandra and her MickeyD's uniform, Xianghua, Talim and Ivy…

Nightmare scratched his head at the crazy looks and the Fans on the stands with forks and knives looking at him….

And Nightmare Walked… -the hopeful faces-

And the Safety pin slipped the towel and nothing happened….

"Do you like Herr Quacky?" Nightmare asked Mickey….

"It is… Adorable… I guess…."She said with a sad smile on her face. Taki was trying to bite an arm off… only it was Xianghua's not hers.

"So close…. Yet so far…" Talim said going back to her chair. Ivy caressed her hair.

"I hear you sister woman…" Said Ivy.

"When I am Führer you could be Mein Herrin…"( Mein Herrin… I think means My Mistress….) Nightmare said with a huge smile, like an excited child.

"Sure Blondie… whatever you say… - Mickey said with a sigh patting nightmare's head.- This is going to take forever… Take us to commercial Break Mr. Deep Voice…"

"Uh…?- Said the Voice with a Yawn.- Ah… Ok… Will we answer any of the questions I just asked in the beginning of this crack hole we call Show? Will Herr Qacky get to rule over Tokyo and Mickey will be the Führer's Herrin …? All that plus… Cassandra's secret life when we come back to Somewhat Twisted Takes on… Soul Calibut 2, Strikes back… But first… this public service announcement….

-EOT-

Hey Dudes and Dudettes… To the ones that have read the previous versions of Somewhat Twisted Takes on… I know this one is slightly different but I think it is still enjoyable…. For those reading it for the first time, Enjoy… Please Review, Make your Manson happy today and Review…. Toodles….


	2. Insanity with a View

Well, well, if it isn't my favorite people in the world… AKA My readers… Here you have something special. I don't own Soul Calibur… so, if anyone knows how I can own it… tell me… OK? ON WITH THE SHOW!

**Insanity with a View**

"Ok, so... welcome back to STTO… Soul Calibur Style…" Mickey said brushing her blonde hair out of her face.

"What's an STTO Mein Herrin?" Nightmare asked looking at Mickey with a raised brow.

"Somewhat Twisted Takes On… I am going to run out of breath before I finish that sentence… Take a summer job, said my dad, it will be fun dear… he said… you will meet new people… Right…" She said as she looked at the notes and the feminine audience was gaining their cool after having such a close call with the towel and staying empty handed.

"Can you like… Hurry this up?" Asked Xianghua as Taki excused herself to go to the bathroom and was followed by a lot of kidnappers…. Err… security guards, yes, Security guards.

"What is your hurry Miss. Xianghua?" Asked Mickey as she looked at Nightmare trying uniforms on Herr Quacky. Uniforms for when he was Führer he could wear them and have a nice Axis with matching uniforms. Uniforms were cool for him… then again rubber duckies were fun for him and worthy to rule Tokyo, Michigan and Australia.

"I am hungry…" Xianghua said as she looked at Voldo making a nice BLT salad with his lettuce and hissing at her for even looking. He then pulled a sign that read "MY SALAD… MINE' and break-danced to a corner with the plate.

"It seems she is always hungry…" Mickey said as she examined notes from past hosts on the behavior of the cast.

"So we hear…" Kilik said as he leaned back and looked at Voldo trying to eat the salad as fast as he could and he looked like a hamster with his cheeks all puffy. Maxi just kinda looked like he was looking at everything with a straight brow and indifference… then again since he is dual-browed he could have been raising a brow and looking annoyed… How exactly the anatomy of Maxi's brow works? It's a mystery.

"But… I thought you guys got paid generously… Right Mr. Deep Voice?" Asked Mickey as she looked up at wherever the voice came from. She assumed it came from above.

"So our hackers… I mean, team of experts… say… very generously…" The voice said with a nervous chuckle. Mickey just sighed… that damn voice was going to get her arrested.

"Then why is she so hungry?" Asked Mickey looking at Nightmare, which was checking out gowns for women. Why? Maybe he was serious about the whole Herrin thing.

"Well, you know, since China is so overpopulated, cool place but too crowded…- Kilik started explaining…- They tax people for stupid stuff… like breathing and such… so Xianghua is broke…" Kilik Explained. Mickey looked at Kilik wide eyed.

"Lad… do you even know that's true?" Asked Cervy being the voice of conscience in the group.

"Ask Yoshimitsu and Mitsurugi…" Kilik said very proud and secure on his sources. The other two limited themselves to look wide eyed at him, meanwhile they stopped their current activity of look at Astaroth carving a huge bunny on a wood log.

"Why should he ask us?" Asked Yoshi.

"Because, you both have 'mitsu' in your names…" Kilik said as if it was pretty obvious.

"So?"

"Well… Um… That's what Nightmare said… that you two knew it all because you were Mitsus and such…." Kilik said looking at Nightmare who was giving a Medal of Honor to Herr Quacky.

"Kilik… -Yunsung began- Your source is a blonde moron half-a demon with a Rubber Duck as Right hand…?"

"Y…yes…" Kilik whispered trying to hide inside his World trotter jacket. He fell in the claws of the demon's 'logical' thinking which had nothing of Logical and was in a court issue to prove it was thinking at all. Mickey in her side just coughed, that group of people was insane.

"O…k… forgetting the Mitsu part… Xianghua is broke?" Mickey tried to bring the subject back on tracks.

"Yes…" Answered Cassandra fixing the cap of her MickeyD's uniform.

"Really?"

"Yes…- reaffirmed Cassandra.- Right Nightmare?" She asked so Nightmare was brought into conversation once again so maybe something funny, stupid, weird or all of the above may happen.

"Ja…" Said he whom had powers from the underworld with a huge smile.

"Um… Aren't you a demon, Führer of Insanity?" Mickey asked Nightmare.

"Ja…- He answered smiling to then look at his Lord in Chief.- See Herr Quacky? Mein Herrin called me Führer. I told you she was going to like the idea…" He spoke to the rubber duck.

"So… Dad…- Said Ivy.- You were saying about bipolarity…?"

"Never mind my dear…" Cervantes said hitting his head with his hand.

"Um…- Mickey continued.- Then what's up with the smiles….?" She asked. So far she thought demons were evil and mean and freaky. Maybe German Demons were different… but Germans Perce don't smile that much, so maybe demons that came from Germany liked to smile and play with bath time toys.

"Smiles?" Nightmare asked as he looked to the side and saw Cassandra smiling like a maniac.

"What's up with the evil smile Cass?" Asked Maxi.

"Wait for it double-0 brows… wait for it…" She said as she looked like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.

"Yes, so far you have been playing with a Rubber Duck and Smiling like a kid on a candy store…" Mickey explained the demon. Nightmare looked at himself and noticed he was smiling all along and then he stood up.

"Here… it comes… here it comes…" Cass said as she got out of nowhere a bag of pop corn and Talim and Ivy joined her and Xianghua was jaws-ing (You know like Jaws the shark) around the pop corn bag. Nightmare just pulled out Soul Edge…

"SOULS…. GIVE ME….- And as he pulled his arms up the towel rolled down and left him naked… He felt the bitter coldness on his skin almost immediately,- Clothes…" He said as he covered his shame with the sword and Soul edge plainly blinked twice and closed its multiple eyes shut. Mickey just blinked…

"I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU…" Cassandra yelled as the other girls simply laughed of hysteria, shame, excitement and shock at the same time. Laughter was the best reaction they could get.

"God I love my job…" Mickey said with a great smile on her lips and an ironical raised brow. All while Nightmare was getting a standing ovation from the people on the audience.

"RIGHT ON!" Said Ivy, Talim, Cassandra and Xianghua.

"Um… Clothes…?" Nightmare asked Soul Edge. Usually when he asked the souls for strength, the souls gave him strength… now he needed clothes. Were the souls off to buy him clothes or were they off to lunch? Do souls have lunch in the first place? He better find out about that later. Then The STTO staff handed Nightmare a pair of boxers and a sleeveless shirt. He put them on, placed Soul Edge to the side and sat down and hid inside his hair to fight the shame for a while. Then Taki came back.

"What did I Miss?" She asked as she looked at all the girls blushed, something that was either Nightmare or the Uncle Thing from the Adams Family in the floor and the Host had her face all blushed and was drying it with a hankie.

"It is just as the stories said…" Talim said as she looked at Ivy.  
"Well… Long live stereotypes…"

"Please… tell me he didn't loose the towel while I was in the restroom…" Taki asked desperately at Ivy trying to grab her by the shirt but grabbing her by the boobs… (Yes, I am a girl but I figured that since girls had their share, boys needed theirs too…) Ivy just looked at Taki wide eyed.

"WOW…" Maxi, Kilik and Yunsung said. Ivy pushed Taki away and showed her Nightmare's towel in the corner. Taki retired to a corner to weep her loss.

"I can see it when the show airs… right?" She asked.

"This is Live TV Miss. Taki…" Mickey explained, the ninja just wept even harder.

"So Sad…" Ivy said with an ironical smile.

"Yes. Allow me to play you a sad song in the world's smallest violin…" Cassandra said as she leaned back and smiled at the weeping Taki.

"Shut up Ronald McDonald…." Taki said as she wept.

"Harsh…"

"Ok…Ahem… back on tracks… let's start the questions… If you could be anyone, who would it be and why?" Mickey said as she looked at the souls thinking.

"I would love to be Donald Trump…- Maxi said.- He has great hair… and I would love to say… You're fired…" Mickey just sighed.

"There he goes with the hair again, are you sure you are not bald…? NEXT"

"I want to be Hugh Heffner…" Yunsung said.

"Who?" Mickey asked.

"YOU BASTARD… I wanted to be Hugh Heffner…" Kilik said as he frowned.

"Wow… Playboy dude…" Astaroth said as his bunny was finished and he was coating it with some enamel.

"OK… Yunsung the Pimp… NEXT" Mickey said before they went on and on with the Playboy Pimp thing.

"I would be a Vampire…- Said Raphael.- I would love to sneak up on someone with my hand on my face and say… 'I'm going to drink your blood…'" He said as he lounged on the sofa and drank some more wine… to what we are concerned it is wine.

"O..k.. Cassandra…"

"I would be… A faerie from A Midsummer Night's dream… Oberon is hot… and I would love to say… Peach Blossom…" Mickey chocked. What was it with being the fairy that only said 'Peach Blossom…'? Mickey looked for some sense in the conversation.

"Mr. De Leon?"

"I would love to be… Darth Vader…- He said as even Nightmare popped out his head from his hair fortress.- I would love to say… IVY… I… Am your father…"

"Oh Dear… Xianghua…"

"I Would love to be a Gremlin…" She said as she thought on how cute Gizmo looked in those old movies.

"But… you are already a Gremlin Chia…" Nightmare said as he sat beside the host. Mickey decided not to even wonder.

"She is Nightmare? I mean… how do you know…?" Kilik decided to make Nightmare say something again.

"I am not a Gremlin…" Xianghua defended herself.

"Yes you are Chia… that is why we don't get you soaked in water… you would multiply und we would have a lot of annoying Sailor Moon wannabes.. Und we don't feed you after midnight because you would go berserk and eat our legs…" Mickey burst into laugher with that one. Nightmare was officially cracked up. The image of Xianghua going berserk to eat legs was pure hilarious.

"Come to think of it… He's right…" Cassandra said as she leaned back and looked at Taki who kept weeping in a corner.

"Who knew?" Talim asked as she frowned. She certainly didn't want a lot of Xianghua's saying that Justice will prevail at the same time over and over again… that was creepy.

"YOU GUYS… I AM NOT A GREMLIN…" Xianghua tried to defend herself.

"Sure you are Xiangy… and I would love to be Paris Hilton right now… Because She's hot, I am hot and I would love to say.. That's hot…"Maxi said with a sexy Paris Hilton-like look. Mickey looked at the situation astonished as hell. Maxi as Paris Hilton, Cervantes Vader and Raphael wanted to sneak on people and drink their blood…. Not counting that Yunsung and Kilik were arguing for who was the Pimpiest of the both so they could decide who could be the Ultra Quintessential Pimp of Pimps, Hugh Heffner and own the Playboy Mansion The discussion between the souls continued.

"What's wrong Liebste Meine? (My dear)" Nightmare asked as he looked at the blonde hostess.

"This is nonsense…" She said as she looked at the Gremlin-based argument.

"Welcome to Somewhat Twisted Takes On… Soul Calibur Style… we are an alter Universe ourselves…" Said the Blonde that was supposed to be a moron. Mickey just sighed.

"I couldn't have said it better Mein Führer, Deep Voice… Take us to commercial Break…" She said leaning back and Nightmare placed Herr Quacky on her head.

"Ok… So, Is this going to keep up? Will we find out if Xianghua is indeed a Gremlin? –Xianghua: "NOTY A GREMLIN…!"- Will we say Hail Siegfried one of these days? All that plus… Voldo's true identity when we come back to… Somewhat Twisted Takes on Soul Calibur 2, Strikes back… MAN THAT'S A MOUTH FULL… But first… The "What The Fuck…" Moment of the Chapter…

Nightmare stands in black leather pants in front of a Microphone…

"Du…. Du hast… Du Hast Mich…. Du… Du Hast… Du Hast Mich… Du Hast mich gefragt, Du hast Mich Gefragt und Ich hab nichts gesagt… - Sang Nighty.- Willst du bis der Tod euch scheidet treu ihr sein für alle Tage…? NEIN…- He said with a Maniac Look.- Willst du bis zum Tod, der scheide sie lieben auch in schlechten Tagen? NEIN…." Nightmare stood there looking all sexy and German. Because Germans are sexy… that is common knowledge.

"I always wanted to sing 'Du Hast' on Live TV…." Nightmare said as he answered the question from Mickey… he wanted to be Till Lindemann, the lead singer from Rammstein, and sing 'Du Hast' in Live TV.

-EOT-

Well People… there's Chapter two of The Super Insane concentrated version of Somewhat Twisted, Please Review and I do not own Rammstein either. If people say something I will make Nightmare Sing 'Du Hast' in English later. Because not all can be German… sadly… But Now… This Public Review announcement:

To Sir Dik Dik: I knew you would be overjoyed… I am glad you like it… About the food quote… I am on my way…. Be sure this is just the beginning of all insanity breaking loose.

To A Certain Priest: Well Well… Shall I call you… Priest not of the Cloth… Thanks for reviewing oh My Sexy German… -meanwhile hugging the Priest- Yeah, he's mine… Ok… now, Good luck with your stuff and I don't know about the paper of the 30 words on shoelaces… I can try….. I will… Soon! Bye Bye Liebling… For those wondering, Priest is the reason I enjoy my Germans even more… Though I don't know him… LOL

To AthaMaarit: I know you love Sieggy… I love Sieggy too… Mmmmm Sieggy…. Thanks for reviewing… and if I don't make Sieggy cute, the world will come to an end

To DarkFaeries: Well thank you… I shall also thank VH1 for their amazing randomness which inspired the format of this fic… About Link, well, he's cameo-ing (Is that a word?) in some other fic I'll see what I can do….

To Lysander: The Cassandra thing… I will see what I can do… I liked your review… I didn't know people remembered Spaceballs… That movie rocked…. Thanks for reviewing Ma' man

Well, thanks again for reviewing and please do not forget to do it again… I WILL FEAST ON YOUR REVIEW….! Very Cervantes-like… Thank you Thank you… Stay tuned for more… Toodles


	3. Neuron Orgy

And heeeee-re's Manson… with Chapter number three….. You know I don't own Soul Calibur… With that Said… On with the show

**Neuron Orgy**

"Welcome back to STTO Soul Calibur Style… We were speaking about the things they wanted to be and Nightmare wanted to be the lead singer from Rammstein…. So, now that we have caught up in subject…" She was interrupted by Xianghua who was snaking in the floor with a very pale expression.

"So… hungry… can't see…" She said as she crawled up and down through the stage.

"… Ignoring the Xianghuaconda let's keep up…. Guys…."

"Actually mein Herrin, I am a little hungry myself…." Nightmare said as he was designing a flag for his axis and it came out as a star and something else better left not described. All the souls started agreeing that they were hungry.

"OK… The staff will do something about it… Now… let's keep up. What made you join Soul Calibur….?" Asked Mickey as she looked around.

"Well…. I joined because I saw Ivy… -Yunsung said as he looked dreamily at the dominatrix whom simply raised a brow and that was enough of a freaked out face for her. - So I stole Seung Mina's trip and joined. Ivy and I are destined to be together…"

"Whoa child you have your hopes up…." Raphael said sniffing of his wine.

"I thought Ivy could be mein Herrin but she spanked mein ass und I don't like it… und she laughed… und it hurt… Inferno likes to be spanked… but es ist mein ass…" Nightmare/Sieggy said in a childish tone as all the souls looked wide eyed at Ivy.

"What…? As if you girls never thought he deserved a spank in that tight ass of his…" Ivy said as Taki, whom to this moment had stopped weeping, just pulled out a Kleenex box and started weeping again.

"I have…" Talim said as she smiled and blushed and hid behind Voldo.

"Where did I go wrong with you, young lady?" Cervantes said as he shook his head.

"Right after the Conception moment Cervy…." Kilik replied as Cassandra laughed loudly.

"WHOOSH…" Voldo said as he looked at everyone. Mickey looked at her staff and they handed Voldo a small tablet PC so he would type and not Whoosh…. And so they did to Charade.

"I joined because I wanted to meet the star of the game…" Charade said as he looked at Mickey. To her that was a much more logical thing.

"The Star, Mr. Charade?"

"Yes… Soul Edge… every time I fight Nightmare she blinks at me… she's such a Vixen. But Nightmare does not approve of our love…" There was a complete silence in the studio as Cassandra pulled out a five inch violin and started playing a sappy sad song. Mickey looked at Charade, then at Nightmare, then at Cassandra that was on her way to the Vienna Symphonic Orchestra.

"Vixen…. Love… Blinks…. Nightmare?" Mickey seemed to have lost it there. Charade leaned back like one of those proud jocks on a bar.

"Ok OK… so There I was, forming over and over again… it was my first day, people bites their nails or walks in the same place… I reformed myself over and over again… then the first time I fight comes up a knight in shinny armor and by his side the fairest of all ladies… That gorgeous eye…- Mickey looked at a picture of Soul Edge in a close TV… it was flesh and a maniac looking reddened pumping eye… but if he said it was gorgeous, who was she to judge the taste of an eye? He must be Visual when it came to mates. - I swear I couldn't contain myself…. She was gorgeous and strong…" Cassandra kept playing and Xianghua stopped snaking to listen to charade. Mickey looked at Nightmare… he just rolled his eyes…

"And… I am afraid to ask but, wait… seriously scared to ask, now… what happened?"

"Well… we fought, and as I felt her on me I could have sworn I felt something I have never felt in my life… she was cutting right through me, making us be one in that moment… The knight wanted to destroy me… She was loving me…. I am not an easy eye but I couldn't resist her… and I promised her we would be together… I talked to Nightmare afterwards and he looked at me said a lot of stuff with growls and then said something that sounded like NEIN… and he walked off… We casually meet every now and then… But I need to know why he doesn't approve of our love….?" The audience was weeping now and Taki was passing Kleenex left and right. Nightmare was getting counseling from Herr Quacky Freud because now he was traumatized by being the bad guy… usually he was the bad guy and enjoyed it. But now… he was traumatized. Herr Quacky on his side had a nice brown suit and a cheap dollar mustache.  
"Sacre Bleu he doesn't know why Sieggy doesn't approve?" Raphael said putting the glass of wine and drinking directly from the bottle.

"Oh My Siegfried, why are you like that….? I mean, we didn't say anything when you were in your search for your Herrin and took a stripper as your Lady… for five minutes and we got you drunk to the point of unconsciousness so you would agree but you did take the stripper…. Why can't Chary take Edgy for himself….?" Maxi said as Kilik took Voldo's Tablet PC to show the pics of a Drunken Nightmare asleep and a stripper on his lap giving the peace sign while a very drunk Maxi, Kilik and Yunsung smiled all blushed to the cam.

"Don't remind me of That MAXI… Note to self… when I am Führer, make Maxi a Monk…" Nightmare said as somehow Herr Quacky had a post ad and a pencil.

"Why don't you approve Mein Führer?" Mickey asked as some more people fell on the love tragedy of the valiant and cute Charade.

"Yeah, Nightmare… I would love her forever…. And she won't replace you… you are her swordsman…" Charade explained even how it was good because when Soul Edge and him tied the knot they were planning on having a huge family. So there would be small Daggers, butter knives and such that would grow up to be great swords and he could use them. They would fight loyally for the Schwarz Wind and for the Schtauffen Klan.

"Ok… this is insane…" Maxi said as he looked at everyone.

"Yes… Everyone knows that butter knives don't grow up to be swords…- Said Xiannghua….- They grow up to be butcher knives…" She said while Kilik just raised a brow.

"Excuse me Xianghua… that just makes no sense…. As a matter of fact, nothing makes sense at all…" He said as he leaned back and Raphael gave him some wine.

"Miss Xianghua… Are you sure you have an IQ of at least 80?" Mickey asked the Chinese warrior. Xianghua looked at her with big eyes still in the half off position in which she stopped snaking to listen to Charade and now looked like a frozen contortionist.

"Sometimes we doubt it ourselves Twinkie…" Ivy said looking at Xianghua's back making a complete 90 degree angle… something like Voldo only shorter and Chinese. Xianghua just thought and realized she said something even stupider than a Führer brand quote.

"Don't mind me… it's the hunger…" She said as she tried break-dancing to where Voldo was to see of he left something of the salad… but not even the crums were left.

"Sure Gremlin… whatever you say…" Said Cassandra looking at Xianghua.

"I'm not a gremlin… FOR THE LAST TIME…"

"Ok ok… So, why don't you want Charade to be with Soul Edge, Nightmare?" Mickey asked going back to the real topic.

"It's common sense…" Nighty said as he placed Herr Quacky on his head and looked at his Herrin as if she was not using her head.

"There's something SO wrong in that quote…" Raph said swallowing from his wine.

"Maybe that he's a demon telling you that something is common sense…- Mitsurugi said as he looked at Nightmare with the duck on his head.- Or maybe because he is a crackpot that has a Dock as his right hand telling you it is common sense… Your pick…" All the souls looked at each other. None of them thought on that. They just thought that it had nothing of common sense if it seemed like it was bound to happen.

"Wow… he's one of the Mitsu's and he knows something we didn't…" Yunsung said amazed while still looking dreamily at Ivy. Cervantes just handed Ivy a can of contraceptives. She looked at him wide eyed.

"What is this for?"

"In the case you decide to reproduce… I don't want grandchildren with his genes…" Cervantes said crossing a leg.

"Cervy approves…- Yunsung said hugging the cute dead pirate.- I will make you proud… dad!" Cervantes just sighed loudly and started to look lilac.

"The first person that calls me dad has to be this moron… Life as an undead sure is bitter sweet…." He said as Yunsung kept hugging him.

"Ok OK.. why is it common sense, Führer? I mean… -Mickey continued.- If you look at It from a logical point of view. Both Charade and Soul edge are fragments of the same weapon… they are bound to be together…Don't you agree?" Nightmare just smiled widely and squeezed Herr Quacky on her face.

"Well Said Mein Herr… I cannot approve because Soul Edge is A Male sword… and I think Charade is also male. I have a very open mind but no Zweihanders will be raised out of that union and I will not have two horny school boys when I am battling for souls… If Charade still want to be with Edgy even knowing it's a guy… Well, we can talk about it… I think I told him once… I said… Es tut mir Leid, aber Soul Edge ist ein Mann. Sie können nicht (I'm Sorry but Soul Edge is a male.. You can't) I told him but he got mad at me…" Nightmare said with a pouch. Mickey was shocked and everyone was looking at Charade who was a blinking eye… the usual.

"Soul Edge is a man?" He asked as his eye looked so wide it was going to pop out of his arms and legs and eyelid.

"I always heard him say 'Vixen' and 'Lady' I tried to tell him… he never listened…" Nightmare said as he looked at his Herrin.

"You Used me!" Charade said pointing an accusing finger at Soul Edge whom got Voldo's tablet PC and played a song a little altered with his demonic powers.

"HE HATES ME… WHOA…. HE FU-beep-ING HATES ME… LALALALA…"

"Soul Edge is a guy?" Kilik asked.

"Who knew?" Yoshimitsu said as he looked at Talim with one of the computers.

"It says it here in the weapon description…" She said pointing at the Soul Calibur website. Mickey just shook her head.

"This is insane… Take us to fu-beep-ing commercial break…" She said standing up and walking away.

"Well Well… What other romances we will uncover? Shall we find out the balance on Xianghua's bank account? Should we send Charade and Soul Edge to a retreat? Is there going to be offspring between Yunsung and Ivy?" Cervantes interrupted….

"Over My dead Body…."

"Already happening Grandpa… -Continued the Deep Voice.- All that and much more when we come back to Somewhat Twisted Takes on Soul Calibur 2… Strikes back… But first… Soul Edge's trademark Dance…"

-Soul Edge moving the flesh and blinking to the rhythm of I like to Move it…-

EOT-

And so it comes the day for a Hobby writer to answer her reviews… Here are my review answers:

To Sir Dik Dik: System is Good… I WUV Rammstein… I am obsessed with Germany. And Thanks for the Promotion… I didn't know about that. Thanks for reviewing and keep up the good work.

To AthaMaarit: Mmmm…. I know, Rammstein, Nighty/Sieggy and Leather pants are to meow for. So there are more R+ fans than what I thought. I am amazed… Thanks for reviewing… I live for my fans, Ramen Soup, Nightmare and Germans…

To Alice the Raven: I know… The Führer shall set you free… Thanks for the review.

To Rain54: Insane is my Middle name… No actually it is… I can't disclose but It could be… Thanks for reading and I hope you liked the chappie…

To Lysander: Well… I don't know about that… I have to watch Monty Python, I know… I should. But I have something special in my grasp for next chapter…. Danke Danke for the review.

So… there's chapter number 3… hope you liked it… Please review…. Reviews… COME ONTO ME… Toodles.


	4. Nonsense in the Lounge

Did you know that in New York it is illegal to walk backwards on a sidewalk while eating an ice cream cone? No? Yes? Well… now you know… And I also don't own Soul Calibur… On with the show!

**Nonsense in the Lounge**

"Welcome Back to Somewhat Twisted Takes on Soul Calibur 2, Strikes back…- Mickey said as she seemed a little frustrated.- We are here with the cast of Soul Calibur…" She looked at Charade that was still 'frowning' in a corner.

"Are you going to keep it up…?" Asked Soul Edge to Charade. Somehow that was a question.

"Yes…" Charade replied.

"But you liked it too…" Edgy continued trying to save his relation.

"Wow… this is a real love crisis…" Cassandra said as she looked at the thing.

"This is actually some Jerry Springer Shit…" Kilik said as he looked at Yunsung looking dreamily at Ivy. Kilik wcould imagine Soul Edge and Charade on the Springer Show and Charade saying 'I love him so much…' and Soul Edge would be like 'Honey I have to tell you a secret… I am a MAN…' and the audience will go Jerry, Jerry, Jerry…. And as he looked at Yun and Ivy he thought that was also some Jerry Springer Shit, a Teen boy and a Voluptuous Dominatrix. Maybe he was watching way too much TV.

"That's because their love is not like ours… right Ivy?" Ivy simply sighed.

"Guys if you don't mind… I want to keep working. I have a life you know…" Mickey said a little frustrated. She had less patience than the other hosts from the show.

"I don't mind…- Xianghua said in a trauma.- The sooner you finish the better…" She said as Mickey looked at her and at her side where it seemed Nightmare was having an existential crisis. He looked worried, serious and not like the cute Führer we have come to know and love. Herr Quacky had a box of mini Kleenex beside him.

"What's wrong Herr Nightmare?" Mickey asked as all the souls looked at him.

"Maybe he just found out that Michigan is a city in USA and not a Country which he can invade…" Said Cassandra leaning back.

"Dumbass… you are worse than Xianghua… -Taki said with a frown.- Michigan is a state…."

"It is…?" Cassandra asked as in the displays from the show a map of the US was displayed and a circle was around Michigan and it read 'A State…' in blinking white letters.

"I'm surrounded by idiots…" Taki said as she shook her head in denial.

"Make that the two of us Boobzilla…" Said Raphael as he stood up and got another wine bottle. The only question would be, where exactly does he get the wine and how long does it take for Raph to get drunk? Taki simply growled a few curses and leaned back.

"Where's the food anyways….? STTO always had food for us…." Said Maxi looking to the side. Remembering that in the past there was always a buffet served and waiting for them.

"Yeah, but in the past Xianghua always ate all the food and that is just as having no food at all…" Kilik said as he looked at Xianghua with the corner of his eye.

"Last time I talked to the staff they were fixing that problem…" Mickey said as she looked to the side.

"The Food problem or the Xianghua problem…?" Asked Nightmare as he looked at Mickey.

"My Führer is back…" She said hugging Nighty and smiling all bright and bimbo.

"What?" Cervantes asked. Nightmare just became a raging cage of smiles and blushes.

"Mein Herrin is hugging me… Herr Quacky… Maybe we should call the castle so they fix up a room for her… Though she can stay with me but I don't think two people fit in my bed….- He squeezed the rubber duck.- I know it is a King size…." He continued his argument with his lord in command.

"He says he doesn't think she will fit in a King sized bed…" Kilik said looking at Mickey in her throne completely lost in translation.

"He doesn't think Kilik… Period…" Mitsurugi said as he leaned back and carefully crossed a leg in his bathrobe and flipping the ears of one of the bunnies in his slippers

"Are you sure you wanted him speaking me Lass?" Cervy asked as he looked at Nightmare once again discussing his existential crisis with Herr Quacky.

"I know he may be a crackpot Mr. De Leon… But even being a jackass, he's totally adorable…" Mickey said revising her notes.

"Indeed!" Said the Soul Girls.

"Ok, now… back on tracks… I was revising some notes while in the commercial break and My sources dug up some interesting information…- The girls said as all the guys looked at her and freaked out. Now the Staff was arriving with some caterers that were setting a nice table with food.- Some of you have taken other jobs…. Mr. De Leon, you were in a Landscaping business with Voldo… What make you do that?"

"I was bored and Voldo was tired of…"He stopped speaking and Voldo was hissing frantically.

"Tired of?" Mickey asked.

"You see…. Voldo is very flexible…." Said Taki as she looked at the blonde.

"I am HUNGRY…" Xianghua interrupted.

"We know Miss Xianghua…- Mickey said as she looked at Taki.- I know Voldo Is flexible… He looks like a Circus contortionist..." Mickey said admiring Voldo's age and despite that he was as flexible as a rubber band.

"Voldo used to…. Break Dance…." Kilik said with a nervous chuckle.

"I'm Hungry…." Xianghua continued.

"Ugh, I heard you the first time…- Mickey said loosing her patience.- Break dance… My Notes say Voldo was an aspiring Pop singer in the 80's…- The cast of Souls just gasped…- He was aspiring to be the Italian Version of Michael Jackson…Just like Miyabi is like the Japan version of Marilyn Manson… What happened with that Mr. Voldo?" Voldo hissed very saddened and looked at the Souls. Those Hackers had to be some serious wise cracks to dig up something of the sort.

"What do you want to know?" Wrote Voldo in the Tablet PC.

"I AM HUNGRY DAMN IT!" Xianghua screamed.

"We Heard you Already…- Mickey scuffed as Nightmare now hugged her.- What happened Mr. Voldo?"

"I had a severe laryngitis and lost my angelical voice… I tried working with MC Hammer and then went into Soul Calibur…"

"M… C… Hammer…? Can't touch this MC Hammer…?" The girl asked wide eyed.

"STOP… Nighty Time…" Nightmare said and proceeded to make a little dance with Herr Quacky.

"Very Cute Stiffy…" Mickey said with a smile.

"I'm hungry… I'm Hungry… I'm Hungry… Feed Me…" Xianghua said as she snaked around the stage.

"OK…. WE HEARD YOU!- Mickey yelled.- You worked with MC Hammer?" Mickey asked wide eyed at Voldo.

"Voldo was a great dancer… And he was also in that other Video…" Maxi said as he looked at Xianghua. Cassandra was thinking that she should have brought something from MickeyD's so Xianghua had something to eat and would stay quiet.

"Wow that's so amazing…- Mickey tried to continue. The audience was laughing because they could see she was out of the little patience left in her jar and Xainghua was still complaining.- SOMEONE DO SOMETHING ABOUT XIANGHUA NOW!" Mickey yelled as she looked like a rabid dog. Nightmare stood up and took off his shirt…

"What is he going to do?" Asked Mickey looking at him.

"I don't know…- Taki said drooling.- But I like it so far…."

"Who knows what he will do…" Ivy said as Yunsung frowned. Now Nightmare the crackpot was getting naked and he was distracting everyone BUT Xainghua.

"TAKE IT OFF…Führer…" Cassandra yelled as Talim placed a few bucks in the edge of Nightmare's boxers.

"The Führer is über Hot…- Mickey said drooling with the sight… now Xianghua's starvation cries weren't as important.- LET ME SEE YOU STRIPPED….LET ME HEAR YOU MAKE DECISIONS…. WITHOUT YOUR TELEVISION… LET ME SEE YOU SPEAKING JUST FOR ME…" Mickey sang in a very funny German accent.

"I DIE… I DIE…" Xianghua continued.

"EDGE!- Nightmare called the sword that was finally coming to a truce with his beloved Charade. Nightmare extended his hand and to him came Soul Edge.- SOULS… He yelled raising the sword and it started gathering energy and Nightmare's hair was all wavy and loose.- GIVE ME STRENGHT!" The energy spread all over Nightmare.

"What is he doing?" Asked Ivy.

"I don't know…- Mickey replied.- But I would love to be a soul right now…" She said as the rest of the girls smiled with her. All But Xianghua.

"INDEED…"

"My Hunger… I am starving… Feed me…- Xianghua stood all dizzy and looking as if she was going to faint and raised her face to see Nightmare, his maniac look, his sword and his boxers.- Nighty…. Sieg… don't…"

"BEGONE!" He yelled and hit Xianghua with the blade of the sword and she flew to a corner and crashed against a wall.

"Ah… Shinny!" She said and fainted. Nightmare sat beside Mickey, took the shirt and put it on and let Soul Edge go back to Charade.

"Well Done My Demon…- Mickey said.- Have you ever thought playing in the US Open…?- She asked he whom had a Rubber Ducky as Chancellor, then looked to the side and saw the table with food.- Oh… The food is here… Take us to commercial Break Mr. Deep Voice…" She said as the other ones stood up.

"Oh… OK… Now that we know Voldo used to be a Break Dancer aspiring to be the Italian Michael Jackson… What other secrets lay within the notes of Mickey the Herrin? Is Nightmare as stupid as we think? Why is Cassandra wearing a MickeyD's uniform? Will we discover if Charade and Edgy will tie the knot as Sword and Eyeball? All that plus… Herr Quacky's Confessions as Nightmare's right hand…when we come back to Somewhat Twisted Takes on Soul Calibur 2 Strikes Back… Where butter knives turn into swords… But First… Backstage with Nightmare….

All the souls are eating and Xianghua is just waking up…

"My Head…I… Smell… food…" She said very piranha like… Nightmare comes out of nowhere with a maniac smile and Tiptoeing.

"Wha… SIEGGY NOOOOO!" And he hit her with the sword again…

"God I love my job…- Said Nightmare walking back to the table.- Guten Appetit…!" He said as he sat back beside his Herrin.

EOT-

Ok Mein Friends and Foes… I hope I have no foes around here… I am having a bad time dealing with the ones I have in real life, This Chapter was brought to you today by the letter R… from Reviews… Here are some nice answers to my lovely reviewers.

To DarkFaeries: Well… It was in the description of the Sword… But yes… The SHOCKER… Thanks for reviewing.

To AthaMaarit: I find Chary-chan so cute… Charade has always been a focal point of cuteness in my Fic Platforms… LOL… So politician like. But yes… Charade is the cutest thing… and Nightmare is the Hottest one… Thanks for reviewing.

To Alice the Raven: Herr Quacky is our Utility player… Freud cancelled last minute… LOL… Thanks for your review….

To Sindel: Um… Glad I inspired you with my nonsense… Go ahead to the word processor… Thanks for dropping by…

To Sacharja: Thanks for the tip on how to write that word… I corrected the mistake in this and all the other chapters… I know the 'Führer' joke is borderline humor. I am even scared someone might get offended and that is not my opinion…. But it has a reason to be… later on in the fic it will be revealed. I am glad you liked the chapter and I updated… about the Germans… WOOOHOOO… Me love Germans… -Random moron goes 'Stop pointing out the obvious woman….'- Germans Shall be MINE…. –Meanwhile snatching random German….- Thanks for the review.

To Sir Dik Dik: Thanks My man… it is always good to know about you. About your request… I don't think it can be done, sorry, the reason 'A Few Loosen Screws…' got cancelled was that same in the clause of interaction… But I will see what can be done with Maxi. Say no to Violence… LOL… Thanks again.

So… Germany is asking for men to go have sex with no protection so they have babies… I ask you to review… I am going to be here waiting in case 'Ze Germans' come…(Quote comes from Movie Snatch) Please Review… I know this chappie is rather short and a bit more senseless… but I hope you enjoyed it… Toodles from Lady Manson….


	5. The 'U' Incident and some more jabbers

In a remote tropical Island filled with riots and violence…. One single wannabe writer fights it all armed with a Sharpie and a Strawberry Bagel… She is Lady Manson…. And she has a statement…. 'I don't own Soul Calibur…' Coming soon to a theatre near you.

**The 'U' Incident and some more jabbers…**

Now, after having something to eat, the souls were nicely resting and the audience was just as peaceful.

"Welcome be you all to Somewhat Twisted…. Strikes back….- Mickey said as she looked at Astaroth with a Turkey thigh on hand. Xianghua got some radishes and was finally quiet.- Before we peacefully continue with this transmission that seems to come out from the wildest imagination of someone with nothing to do and an excess of sugar in his bloodstream…. I need to ask…. Nightmare… why the flesh display in our last intervention?" She asked as Nightmare was looking at Herr Quacky which was wearing a Knight's armor and had a small Rubber Duck version of a Zweihander.

"Well…. If I did it while wearing the shirt…." He was interrupted by Ivy.

"Mickey dear… you seem not to understand the facts of life…." She said.

"Oh No…. NOT THE FACTS OF LIFE AGAIN…." Yelled Yunsung. Raphael Shrugged.

"It's been a while since I heard that one… BARTENDER…." And a Bartender came to Raph who was now almost falling from where he was sexily lounging in all his French Superstar Diva Glory and seemed a bit drunk.

"You see… the facts of life are simple….- Taki explained.- There is a Germanic Knight here, who seems to be as hot as Mexican Jalapeños in Tijuana in midsummer…." Taki said as Mickey looked wide eyed at her.

"Wow… That's hot…" She said astonished.

"Yes… über Hot as he would say… and he seems to have a few loosened screws there under his Sand blonde hair… and he likes to get naked and scream and show his German manliness and do we disturb him?" Taki said crossing her leg and folding her arms and leaning back and Maxi was drooling to unknown levels.

"Um… No… I guess…" Said the announcer as she looked at Nightmare smiling at his Beloved second in command.

"No… and you know why?" Asked Cassandra…

"Why?"

"Because the paths of the Lord are Mysterious and if one of the creatures of the Lord desires to get naked and drop it like it's hot… who are we to judge? But admire in silence the glory that is the Lord…" Said Xianghua as Talim gave an Amen and smiled.

"Um… Ok…- Mickey was officially disturbed.- You know what…. Let's forget about the facts of life and concentrate in the show… Please… tell me guys… In your xperience as Soul Calibur Characters… what has been the most traumatic experience you ever had?" All of them looked at each other.

"For me…- Wrote Voldo…- it was when my claws got stuck in an electricity outlet in the Cage stage…."

"Very painful…" Said Mickey thinking in the shock.

"To Me it was when I saw Astaroth in a loin Cloth…. In the shower room…" Xianghua said.

"But… don't you have separate Showers…?" Mickey asked.

"Astaroth entered the wrong one…- Explained Ivy.- I swear… Xianghua's battle cries are freaky, but freaked out Chia is like Stray cats fighting in an Alley at midnight…" Cervantes shrieked.

"But… Miss. Xinaghua… didn't Multiply….? Since she is a gremlin and all?" Mickey said as she looked at her notes.

"I AM NOT A GREMLIN, DAMN IT…" Xinaghua yelled.

"Sure Xianggy…. Whatever you say…- Nightmare said and then he leaned towards Mickey.- Poor Gremlin is in denial…" Mickey chuckled loudly.

"Ah, Mein Führer… you are a crack up… OK… Raph…"

"To me it was when I saw Mitsurugi for SC 2, you know… not shaved and looked like a pervert runaway…. But that image has been replaced by Mitsu and his bunny slippers…" And right on cue everyone looked at the pink slippers in Heishiro's feet.

"Yes, I second that image…- Talim said hugging Taki…- It's rather creepy…." Talim said as she looked at the sleepers.

"OK… so Talim and Raph have the same trauma…. What about you Mr. Yoshi?" Mickey asked Yoshimitsu who was analyzing the shape of the bunny sleepers in Mitusrugi's feet and how one of the ears was gravity defying and the other one was simply gravity affected.

"Well Dear… to me it was when in one of our tours to end a riot Yunsung took one of my arms and tossed it to the audience… I spent three weeks with no arm while we requested a new one…" Mickey looked at Yun.

"I almost lost my Goddess…. Yoshi is expendable… he requires assembly for heavens sake…. There was bound to be replacing parts for him… but in the other hand… the attributes of the great Ivy are one in a million…." He said very determined.

"That's so sweet of you Yunny boy…" Ivy said.

"Really?" The boy said almost floating.

"You are still getting none from me though…" Ivy said with eyes closed.

"Damn it…. I SHALL PREVAIL…." Yunsung said as Talim looked at him and rolled her eyes.

"What about you Charade…? …Charade?" Mickey looked at the cute eye that was being swayed off his eyelashes by a skillful Edge.

"Tell me once again what you think about my eye, Player…?- Charade said with a giggle and numerous blinks. Then he noticed.- Uh… what was it?" He said with closed eye. We assume he was grinning sacredly. Nightmare simply Shook his head.

"Knock it off you both… I already said I want nein horny school boys when I am fighting…"

"YOU CANNOT REPRESS OUR LOVE…" 'Yelled' Edge… Nightmare gasped.

"Edgy… come on… Es ist ein insanity… why must you torment me? Why must you be hurtful to mein person…? I have feelings…. You know… I am not just a sexy possessed Germanic Knight…" And Nightmare pouted and looked to the other side.

"Insanity or not… I LOVE CHARY and He loves ME…. ACCEPT IT ONCE AND FOR ALL YOU CRAZY GERMAN SPINSTER…" Mickey now gasped. Those were major words and it was worst when the one upset was a possessed sword. Someone could seriously get injured.

"Um… Charade…?" Mickey tried to keep the conversation.

"Um… It was a trauma the first time I got hurt by Voldo… I had an eye patch for a week because he scratched my cornea…" Everyone hissed and some chuckles were heard in the audience… it was simply a matter of imagining Charade with an eye patch, Pirate Charade to the rescue,

"What about you Mr. De Leon?" Asked Mickey looking at Nightmare whgo assumed the fetal position and was hugging his next in command.

"To me it was the moment when I had to wear an Iron Thong as outfit…. I sincerely had some bad moments with that one….Yarg…." Cervy said as he remembered it, that and his captain Quaker hat, he was lucky not to be requested as captain Crunch for some birthdays.

"Mr. Astaroth?" Asked Mickey smirking.

"That was when I accidentally sat on Charade….- Charade simply started crying.- I scraped him out… he spent about 2 weeks in the hospital…. WORMS…" Astaroth said as Mickey shook her head. Poor Charade had gotten the worst part so far. He had been scratched, sat on, scraped and fell in love and was not allowed to love… Being an eye sucked.

"OK… OW… Um… Maxi?"

"To me… It was when I was fighting with Kilik for the first time and he hit me with his staff and…." Maxi didn't continue…

"That was also a trauma to me Man…" Kilik said as he looked to the other side.

"What's going on…? What was a trauma….?" Mickey asked…

"You can say he felt more female than ever before…" Talim said with a smirk.

"More Woman that ever before…? What happened?" Asked Mickey as Maxi began weeping, Ivy was at the brink of tears of laughing and Yunsung was overjoyed by the tise and fall of Ivy's jiggling attributes.

"Just that Kilik threw his staff and got Maxi way down almost to his Made in Japan…." Mitsu said as now Voldo was rolling around in hissing happiness and Taki was holding her ribcage. The blonde didn't get it.

"What?" Raphael sat down with a Smile.

"You know… IMPALED…" He said as he cheered Maxi.

"OH MY GOD…! That's gotta be painful…" Mickey said as she imagined Maxi as a brochette in a grill.

"What about you Cassandra?" Asked Mickey as she regained her composture.

"Well… It was when I saw Voldo for the first time and saw him doing his hissing mombo jumbo thing around me… May I get an Eek?" She said.

"Eek…" Answered the audience….

"What about you Miss Taki?"

"Well… To me it was when I got a ring out and I was wearing body paint and came out and it washed off because the stage was in water…" Taki said as most of the soul guys looked as if they were remembering something good.

"Good times… Good times indeed…" Yunsung said as Taki hit the back of his head, Mickey looked at Nightmare. Maybe she shouldn't ask him… he was traumatized enough by being called Spinster by his battling companion.

"Nightmare… What about you?" She asked as Nightmare looked at her from within his Nighty Cave…. Located inside his hair.

"T-Trauma….? I… Don't have any…" He said with some rare fear in his voice.

"What about…?" Yunsung started but someone covered his mouth.

"We never speak about the 'u' Incident…" Taki said as she looked to the side and some string scary music played.

"Wow… String Music and all…. We have to do something about that… Nighty, what is this 'U' incident of which they speak?" Mickey asked quite sneaky. As she looked, Herr Quacky was gone… maybe he was off to take over Michigan now… Maybe the so called 'U' Incident was something nobody needed to hear…. Not even the rubber duck.

"Um…. It was when I came back as a grown guy in Soul Calibur…" Nightmare began.

"Calibur… libur… bur…" The echo continued as everyone looked up. First the scary string music and now creepy echoes.

"We seriously have to do something about that…. Please continue…" Mickey said as she looked at Nightmare.

"Well… We were in the official Presentation from the company… Ivy was there and all…- Nightmare said as Ivy smiled. The boy indeed look sweet as Can-d.- und there were lots of girls…. When it was my turn to come onstage…. Girls went wild…" Talim looked wide eyed at him. She thought that it was every guy's fantasy to have women rampaging and rioting because you are excessively hot.

"And that is… Bad?" Mickey asked….

"Well… Nein… doch… when I was onstage… the rioting females began screaming and all… and it started to resemble a rock concert… Kilik said he saw some girl use her bra as a slingshot und Suddenly from out of nowhere comes a ball of underwear like the ones from those Indiana Jones movies…. I had to run… But… It crushed me…" Nightmare4 said hugging his legs remembering the ball of unmentionables rolling behind him while the executives of Namco simply laughed their asses out. He hugged his legs and looked beside him where Herr Quacky was 'reading' a copy of War and Peace.

"Let me get this straight… a giant ball of panties crushed you?" Mickey asked quite serious.

"That pretty much summarizes it…" Cervantes said as he chuckled.

"Ja…" Said Nightmare.

"P…Panty balls….?" And Mickey broke into laugher but she even rolled in the floor.

"Oh my… I have never seen someone laugh so hard… and that is counting Hyenas…." Mitusrugi said as he looked at the hostess win her cool back and sit straight.

"Oh Dear Nightmare…. –She hugged the Demon.- That's the cutest trauma I have ever heard of… Anyways… We need footage of the killer Panty ball…. Mr. DV Take us to commercial break…" Mickey said as she asphyxiated Nightmare in her attributes and the other one for being a traumatized nerve wreck looked quite blissful.

"OK… Killer Panty Balls and Maxi brochettes…. Will we find out more stupid stuff about the SC cast…? Is Nightmare really a Spinster? Will Edge and Chary elope…? Will Astaroth make his own arts and crafts store? All that plus… Cassandra Up close and Personal…. When we come back to Somewhat Twisted Takes on Soul Calibur 2 Strikes back… But first… Talim uncut and uncensored on the Killer Panty Ball….

"Why was I brought into the Soul Project for the second season of Soul Calibur…? I mean, is it possible to create an Indiana Jones-like ball of Panties….? If anyone asks me this is the product of a serious sugar high…. Killer Panty balls my ass… I want my lawyer…"

-EOT-

Dock and cover… This chapter simply made even less sense…. Now for my gorgeous reviewers…..

To SuperNaraku: Thanks… Um… no 'nekkidness' in this chappie… Tada

To Sacharja: Um… I will cover as much subject as I can…. SC3… WOOHOO… I guess someone bitched enough for them to give us Sieggy back… Mmm… Sieggy…. And he looks hotter than hell…. I like Sieggy-Sieggy more than Sieggy-Nighty too… only thing I am going to miss is Porno Sieg with half the Armor. The Nighty-Host deal… it is something that has been going since past versions of this fic… you can ask other readers about it… and Charade and Edge… they simply rock as a couple. And about the ranting… I don't mind… I like rants, give me an Idea on what my readers think…. Now about the Germans out in the wild the only thing that came to my mind were grasslands like in Jurassic Park and a few Germans running around like raptors… Sorry but I thought it was cute… My friend said that Germans were going to riot if I stopped writing… Anyways… Thanks for reading… Hope you liked the chapter, and yes… I LOVE GERMANS…..

To Numdenu: Um… Well… Err…. Thanks for reading…. I will check about that and link being hot and all….

To Sindel: Served…. A chapter without Sieg stripping…. LOL… I am sure you will have witty remarks about the Panty ball… Thanks for reviewing.

To SDD: I'll see what I can do… and Video Game Violence rocks… YAY Violence….

Ok… so, you know the drill… Review… please. Ah, I must explain the German obsession… paraphrasing the show Kept… 'I am just looking for a few Germans to be my boy toys… to pamper and pet…like kitties…. But sexier…' Party at my place people… Germans are admitted free with birth Certificate, and Russians too… Jagermeister for everyone, under-aged Germans get coke and a hug… Till that happens…and I think about something crazier for next chapter…. Toodles… Auf Wiedersehen.


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